Guess who’s alcoholism came back to rear its ugly head!!???
I was in denial about being able to drink on occasion. Of course i found myself initially able to pick up a drink and put it down, I could go a few days without a drink, but then pick it up again. I thought I had cured myself and became a “normal” drinker, but we all know that is not the case.
I started having cravings early in the day, started thinking about drinking while at work, woke up hungover on a Tuesday…Saturday morning i woke up and had enough. I have had enough hangovers and the worst part is that I am tired of watching the world go by while i am sitting at home drinking or sitting at home recovering from drinking.
I have a problem, i have to be on top of it, i can’t listen to anyone else’s ideas…I HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM…. So, I’m trying to make a pact with myself to work as hard as i did becoming sober the first time….I know its a lot of work but I think its easier than feeling like garbage.
Anyway of course its Easter and of course my family is no where to be seen. My mother has decided to have lunch at a friends house even though she has been out of town and i haven’t seen her in months, my sister wont answer my text-messages about dinner tonight or coming over later today, my boyfriend left town….and here I am alone again on a holiday as usual…watching everyone on facebook have an “AMAZING AND WONDERFUL EASTER!!!!” Fuck you
I was going to go to the mall and return a gift so i could go shopping but the mall is closed. Maybe i will sit here and research sobriety books and watch movies. I think i’ll go to the pharmacy and get my NSAID RX because my hands are jacked up from going to school for 10 fucking years. One more thing that hurts…
fart in a bucket.
Notesfromtheliving 