Since my last post I have only consumed alcohol one day. I only drank that one day because i was way too tired and I should have taken a nap. I find my biggest struggle with alcohol is around 5pm. I’m usually exhausted by 5pm and it gives me anxiety to sit and watch TV until I go to bed. Drinking when i’m tired not only relieves the stress of the day but it makes the evening pass. I recognized over the last 2 weeks of mostly sober living that I also have an addictive struggle with working out. I work at my active job and then work out. Its too much for my body sometimes and drinking relieves the aches and pains. If i want continued success without alcohol, I also have to make sure I don’t push myself over the edge physically.
I am also more aware of my internal dialogue. I bought a new sober book that i’m not recommending yet because i’m not completely sold on it. Yet, the first couple of chapters really highlight being aware of all the devils, angels, and conversations going on in my head. I’m not sure exactly what i’m supposed to do with my internal dialogue but i’m more aware of it. I guess that’s progress.
I also hate to admit how much more free I feel when my boyfriend is gone. Living with him can make me feel trapped because he overexerts himself physically too, which ends up making us both tired and leads to drinking. I also feel like I have to cater to someone else’s schedule, which makes me feel like i can’t be completely free in my life and it also leads me to feel trapped and bored. The first time i got sober i scheduled it when he was going to be out of town, and I seem to have a much easier time staying sober when he isn’t around. People keep telling me we are perfect together but I can’t help but drift farther and farther away.
Notesfromtheliving 